Am going back to Indonesia and will only be back on the weekend.
And since where I live the Internet connection is more painful than inserting a cork into your eyes, I probably won't touch this blog during my trip.
So, in the mean time, enjoy your week.
My wife's pregnancy have entered it 8th week, we think. We are not too sure about it because we haven't seen our gynecologist.
It might be a little late but still tolerable as I read that the first pre-natal check/visit should be done in week 8-10.
We actually wanted to go as early as possible, but somehow it kept getting postponed, because of these following reasons/events:
- We were to stunned to hear that we were going to be parents
- We then took some time to learn and read books
- We were stunned again. We? Parents?
- We asked around to find a good gynae
- Every gynae seems to be too expensive
- We were stunned again
- We decided on the hospital
- The hospital seems expensive
- We decided on a gynae
- I need to go back to Indonesia
So we probably only go to a gynae next week, after I am back.
We actually do not know the criteria of a good gynae. We only want someone that we are comfortable with. So we asked around and got several inputs. Then we sought for more info from the Internet, and compare with other inputs and we finally we made our decision. We go for the cheapest one.
No, of course that is not the only criteria. We also want one who is gentle, understanding, calming and good. So, let’s see how it turns out, next week.
It's nice to have Internet and emails these days, where I can get a lot of newsletters about many topics that I am interested in, as well as other topics, such as the recent price of Viagra, because the spam that I receive is just unbelievable.
But one newsletter service that I subscribe to is very helpful during our expecting times. This newsletter offers a week-by-week development of our baby. We just need to register and input the expected due date and then every week the site will send a newsletter that encouragingly tell us that the baby is still smaller than a ping pong ball.
But it also tells us a lot of different and useful things. For instance, the latest email that I received, told me that the baby is now starting to grow its eyelids. Isn’t that wonderful? But unfortunately, there is no way for us to check and see the development, or whether it was true. The newsletter can just say that it grows wings and we still have no idea how to check.
Anyway, the newsletter also shows the picture of the baby at this point in time, to which my wife shouted,” Look how the position of the arms, so cute. Look how it grows". Whereas I cannot see any difference between this picture and the picture from the previous week.
So, the newsletter provides us a lot of other info, regarding the health, nutrition, tips and tricks.
I later found out that actually there are many website that offered such service. But now I am using the one from BabyCentre, because of some valid reasons: it was the first site that I found and I am too lazy to change it.
I've seen a shirt that has a picture of man's torso, and pants that shows picture of a behind. But this is new.
Got it from an email
Serving meal for my wife is never a light affair after she gets pregnant. For instance, my wife used to love ayam gulai (chicken in thick coconut gravy) and was able to finish two plates of rice with it without even looked like slightly full.
So I innocently thought that it was a good idea to prepare (or what many French chefs called le heat au de microwaves) the ayam gulai and a lot of rice. But when I told my wife about this favorite food of hers, she just said “uuuggghhh” in the same tone that Fear Factor contestants often use when they finds out that they need to eat live eels in Tarantula’s droppings.
Unfortunately, she cannot stand chicken, as well as other meat. Just the sight of any type of chicken would make her feel sick. And that makes me feel confused, because I do not know what my wife should eat. She needs protein, but she cannot eat meats. She wants unhealthy foods with a lot of MSG, but her husband says no because it’s bad for the baby (and then he eats the unhealthy food for her). So everyday is diner nightmare for me, between the healthy choices and the “Uuuggghh” from my wife. I still cannot believe that now I am the one who promotes healthy food.
When you are ready to become a parent, sometimes you have already had your parental instinct early and know when your wife is pregnant, even before any testing. That's what happened to me. I knew that my wife was expecting around 3 days before the test, because my instinct was sharp, and my wife told me,” I’m late, I think I'm pregnant".
But besides that subtle signs, my wife had shown more obvious symptoms. She suddenly couldn't stand the smell of coffee. She used to drink one or two coffee everyday, and suddenly she looked at coffee the same way she looked at laundry detergent waste.
So she hasn't been able to drink any coffee. I don't know how she's still able to do her office work. Heck, without coffee, I don't even know how she's able to remember where her office was. But apparently she managed just fine.
And it was a good thing, since a pregnant woman needs to cut down her caffeine intake, and my wife haven’t had coffee ever since.
So, that sudden sensitivity to coffee was my first sign that she might be pregnant. Then it was continued with my wife’s constant sleepiness, every time and everywhere, even in the shower. But since she stopped taking coffee, it was not very obvious for me, although I was still aware of it.
But then again, when she told me that the test was positive, how come I was still heard it like an earth-shattering news?
Ok,
Me, 15 years old, trying to impress people by impersonating Donald Duck and Popeye.
This boy, 15 years old, trying to impress people by cutting a woman open.
No wonder I did not have a girlfriend back then.
From Reuters:
NEW DELHI, India (Reuters) - An India couple have been accused of trying to get their 15-year-son into the Guinness Book of World Records by allowing him to perform a caesarean operation, local newspapers reported on Thursday.
The parents, both doctors from the southern state of Tamil Nadu, screened a video recording of the operation on a 20-year-old woman to other doctors in the hope of attaining the record as the world's youngest surgeon, newspapers reported.
Family members said the boy was only helping out in the operation, handing his father's medical instruments. Indian medical authorities are investigating the case and could revoke the couple's medical licenses.
A woman went to the doctor's office. She was seen by one of the new doctors, but after about four minutes in the examination room, she burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall.
An older doctor stopped and asked her what the problem was, and she explained. He had her sit down and relax in another room.The older doctor marched back to the first and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was PREGNANT?"
The new doctor smiled smugly as he continued to write on his clipboard. "Cured her hiccups though, didn't it?"
------------
A pregnant lady was in an accident and she woke up in the hospital. She noticed she was not pregnant anymore and asked the nurse what happened to her baby.The nurse said, "You have two healthy babies, a boy and a girl!" The lady said, "Oh, I must name them," but the nurse said, "You were unconscious, so we called your brother, and he named them!"
The lady said, "But he's as dumb as a box of rocks! So what are their names?"
The nurse said, "The girl is called "Denise."
The woman replied, "Well that is a pretty name, so what did he name my boy?"
The nurse replied, "Denephew!"
21 June: Soto Betawi (Indonesian soup with a lot of coconut milk)
The craving is slowly moving towards Indonesian food, which is not very encouraging for me. Although there are quite a number of Indonesian food stall in Singapore, all of them are located in Orchard area, which I might say is not a very good location for a food place, because, from business and economic perspective, it’s very far from my place.
She managed to go there by herself and bought the stuff, and the effort was rewarded with the rich and hot soto, which she only finished half of, because she had the nausea. Poor her.
22 June: Sayur Asem (Indonesia sour soup)
Yes, it’s confirmed. The craving is settling down in Indonesia. So will go to Orchard tonight to find the best sayur asem. Just hoping that she can finish all of the food. Because otherwise, I will be the one who is going to finish them, … hmm, wait now, it doesn’t sound so bad, isn’t it?
Blood donation is one activity where a person, doing his part as a human being and putting others before himself, can compassionately and caringly measure his weight using digitalized weight scale.
I believe that type of weight scale is more accurate than the last scale that I used, due to one simple reason, I weight less there.
I weighted 75 kg only, which means I have loosen 1.5 kg since the last time I weighted. So I believe that my work out routine, which now consists of sweeping the floor and ironing my shirt since my wife is pregnant, is working fine.
So I was happy for the whole 1.5 hours that I was there. And the rest just went as usual: pale face, scared of needle, fainting, all the normal stuff.
Well, except that there were a lot of army reservists there. I don’t know what they were doing. They just stood there, looking at the donors, and discussed many important army stuff, such as where to have a good lunch nearby, how to look active while they were actually did not know what to do there (really).
They were probably instructed to learn the process. So they just looked around and commented on the process. But it just made the donors like me feel awkward. I mean, how if I peed in my pants after seeing the needle inserted into my skin? I would surely be a joke to the whole battalion. Hmm, maybe, while they were watching, they should also feel the pain of having a needle injected into their body, through their eyes.
Do you notice that when you take MRT ride, there are a lot of toddlers inside?
Well, neither did I.
My reactions toward babies on MRT were usually like these: If the baby is crying,” Stop crying pleaseeee, headache". If the baby is not crying, “What baby? Where?"
But recently, as my wife is expecting, I am constantly attracted to babies and toddlers. If there is a baby 2 MRT cars away, I would know and observe it. Now I look at babies with more awe, although I know that what they can do is basically only trying to put their feet into their mouth.
So now my reactions to babies are more in the line of
"Aaaaa, so cute"
"Here here. Look at me. Look at me"
"WHAT kind of hair is that?"
because some David Beckham's fans just think that his hairdo suits everybody, including a baby girl.
Now I observe babies' behaviors, their words, their facial expression, and so on. And the most important thing, how they behave towards their parents. Some rebellious toddlers just run around the MRT although the parents are screaming at them. Some toddlers are sitting quietly the whole trip like they are sedated. That makes me decided to start thinking about how to teach a child. What approach used, what punishments are the best, what drugs applied, and so on. But then again, guess I got carried away. It’s still too far.
16 June : Indomie Soto (instant noodles with enough MSG to make a heavy metal rocker lose all of his hair).
18 June: Tau suan (hot dessert that the last she ate was around 6 months ago and she was not too crazy about it, but somehow one cell in her pregnant body decided to have one now, knowing that there is no dessert stall within a mile radius of our home).
19 June: Empek-Empek (Indonesian snack, fried fish cake alike, with sour sauce. Not a good sign for me, now that she starts asking for Indonesian food).
Pregnant women need to cope with increasing weight, morning sickness, enlarging abdominal, and so on, whereas men have to deal with… nothing.
But don’t ever think that the women will let the men get away without paying any price. They give men the craving.
I read that craving during pregnancy might be caused by the changing hormone or by nutritional deficiency. But the thing is, when a woman says that she wants to eat Orecchiette con Cima Zucchini at 3 am., you cannot know for sure whether it is the pregnancy body telling her that it needs the nutrition from the food, or your wife simply saying, ”You put this into my body! Now you go out and pay the price! You ungrateful *#*&^@!”, because pregnant woman’s craving is usually accompanied by the mood swing.
So, I believe that my wife is starting to have her craving. She started to ask for a lot of food that are tasty but not healthy. I say it must be the craving (although if such thing happens to me, it’s called “lunch”), because she has been trying to eat healthily, in between her nausea and bloating.
But I’ve been trying to accommodate that anyway, because if I don’t, then the baby will surely have an appetite of a Godzilla, unless it won’t. Well, actually I am not so sure about the effect of unsatisfied craving (somebody should look this up).
Anyway, I am going to put a list of everything that my wife is craving for during the nine months, and see how I can provide her with all the food.
No wonder this boy is flunking. (from Reuters)
Student stages robbery to wipe bad grades
BERLIN (Reuters) - A 16-year-old Berlin student was so worried he would have to repeat a year at school because of poor marks he convinced two friends to storm his class and steal the report cards with his bad grades.
"The student probably honestly believed that he could avoid repeating the school year if he made the report cards disappear," said a spokesman for local police Monday.
The youth sat quietly at the back of the classroom as the two masked robbers, aged 14 and 15, burst in and threatened his teacher with a steel bar if she did not hand over the reports.
After grabbing them, the two tried to flee but dropped the reports as other students leapt to defend the teacher. The two were arrested close to the school, and told police their friend had devised the raid because he was afraid of flunking a year.
Police would not reveal what incentives the youth had offered the pair to carry out the robbery, adding the youths faced legal consequences once investigations were over.
After my pregnant wife spent a long tiring day at the office, what I can do as a caring husband was preparing a good, delicious hot meal (which sadly, for a kitchen-impaired man like me, means ordering Chinese food from a restaurant downstairs).For all expecting husband out there who wants to show their support, that is what at least you can do to your loving wife so that she can arrive home, sit on the diner table, and appreciatively throw up on your shirt.
That is the nausea attack, which happens to most pregnant women, and usually starts on week 6, or anytime the husband comes home from the gym without taking the shower.
But fortunately, the case is not so bad with my wife. She still feels bloated and nauseous from time to time, but still manages to keep it inside, thanks to the many ginger-ish snacks that we prepared. These ginger drinks, biscuit and candy had a positive effect on settling disturbed tummy, and were causing her body to continuously burping, which cued me to grab a beer and showed her that I could do the same. It's not everyday that we have such gastric symphony in our house.
Unfortunately no scientist has ever found the cause of morning sickness in pregnancy. They do, however, found these facts:
1. Morning sickness will disappear on the fourth month
2. Or maybe not.
Some women in fact experiences morning sickness throughout the nine months. So I just hope that my wife will not be affected so much by the nausea. And that I can control my burping after a beer.
I, and several other helpers, spent the weekend helping my friend organize his church wedding. We aimed to make it a glorious day for the couple, to make it memorable for the guests, and to make it awfully painful for my feet.
I, and the other helpers there, needed to run around to make sure things run smoothly. And as I had problem with the insole of my shoes, I felt like running while wearing a Nike designed for Barbie's feet.
But the event went okay though. Not all are perfect (such as the late guests, rains etc.), but okay.
Then, all the running around and hectic preparations just got me thinking, hey did my wedding was also preceded by such chaos and tiring preparations?
I actually do not know. As the groom, I was not aware of what's going on behind the screen. My preparations stopped a day before the actual day and were continued by the helpers. On the actual day, I stopped thinking about the preparations and started thinking about ..., mmm,... actually I wasn't very sure was I was thinking then, due to the lack of sleep, but preparation was surely not in my head anymore.
So I was reminded on how important the role of the helpers. And maybe it's time to once again thank our wedding helpers who came early and work hard on that day, hopefully with the right insole in their shoes.
And, to pisang kungkung, congratulations! May your new journey filled with laughter and joy.
This is another great idea for Father's Day. How about giving him, .. umm,.. I don't know... a heart attack maybe? Link
I am helping another friends of mine getting married. Yes, again. I don't know why this year is very popular for couple to tie the knot. Maybe it's because it's the year of the pig in Chinese calendar. A pig, as you know, is an animal that has a lot of babies and is always fat. So, Chinese people who get married in the year of pig is expected to be the same. At least that's what is said by many parents, who basically would say anything to get their grown-up children to move out from the house, including telling the children to be like pigs.
Another question that need to be asked is why I am always involved in the preparation. Couples came to me and asked me to share my expertise that I learnt from my experience in planning up my own wedding. "Empy", they said,” Your wedding preparation was so terrible. Can you join the wedding team so that you can tell them what NOT to do?"
No, sorry, of course they didn't say that. Not all of them. But since I was the first who got married this year, the rest who follows then can capitalize on my experience, then ask me to lift chairs & tables and take out the trash.
Who said a church wedding is not memorable?
Who says that a husband and pregnant wife cannot enjoy themselves. We had fun last night. Well, it's not the "Hooray-we-snowboarded-through-Mt-Everest" kind of fun; it's more like a "Hooray-our-newspaper-has-arrived" kind of fun.
It's a very slow and lame fun, but we did enjoy our time together.
We watched DVD together. We watched a TV series called Heroes, which we watched half of before we had the pregnancy test result, and didn't have the chance to continue, until last night. So it's kind of fun for us to do things that we did before the pregnancy.
"Look dear, Hiro speaks funny again", I excitedly said to my wife, who excitedly replied to me with, "Zzz...zzz...zzz".
Unfortunately my wife, with her new condition, felt tired very easily. So the first second she laid her head on the pillow on our couch, she dozed off.
I've read about this in the pregnancy book. It said although she sat all day in the office, her body was so busy developing the baby's cells, which is why a pregnant lady always feels tired and sleepy.
But that's the explanation for an ordinary people. My wife is, however, someone who is able to sleep for 12 hours straight. So this new metabolism just makes her ready to doze off anytime, as long as she likes. Morning, day and night.
So now I cannot do anything else but to always be ready to move her from the couch to the bed, before I also fall asszzz...zzz...zzz...
What's so different in my life now that my wife is pregnant?
Not too much actually. I still wake up at the same hour, eat same breakfast and go through the same morning ritual. And then later I still sit in front of my office computer and go through my tasks list, such as "Finish project slides XYZ" or "Proofread article on ABC" and proceed with my works as usual. Well, except that now my tasks list consists of more understandable words, such as "do laundry" or "buy more eggs".
As my wife is still in the early stage of her pregnancy, I don't want her to become tired. So I take care of the house chores by myself. They are quite hard for me, having to do my work as well as all the housework. But I bet they are even harder for my wife, having to only watch me do the work without her helping me. She used to be in charge of the housework and she is only standing on the side and watching me, and letting me leave many dust and dirt because I insist that the house is already clean.
So now, we need to readjust the schedule for doing the house work. I only do sweeping once in two days instead of everyday. Dish washing, only in the afternoon. Laundry, hmm, maybe once a week. Toilet cleaning, ... only nine months from now. Ironing shirts,... well, we must give up something once in a while.
I think my wife is going to have her mood swing early.
So, we are expecting a baby in our family. We can see that the tummy is getting larger, the walk is getting slower, and the sleepiness is getting heavier. And, oh yeah, those also happen to my wife.
The thing is, as my wife's lifestyle changes, so does mine. As now my wife needs to snack more, so do I. What the wife eats, the man eats too. I mean, I do not have to, but since she's buying all the snacks and put them in the kitchen, I can't control what my hand grabs when I walk pass them. So, now my tummy is taking the lead in our width measurement.
My wife's diet basically consists of consuming the amount of carbohydrates that is enough for the baby to grow until she graduates from college. If you know Atkin's diet, well, it's totally the opposite.
But we also buy snacks that are healthier, which basically means they taste worse. Unfortunately, they are still fattening. We bought ginger digestive biscuits, raisins, milk cookies, a lot of cheese, milk, and nuts etc. Those are acceptable for an expecting woman, who has the most justifiable reason to get the carbo and get bigger, But what about the husband who is also eating the same thing? So I guess I just wait for my waistline to match my wife's.
It's funny how people sell maternity clothes for women, which have adjustable waist strap, but never sell such clothes for the husband. Hmm that's a new business concept.
Everything changes so fast. I was still adapting to the married life, and suddenly a new life chapter is beginning, which means this blog will talk mostly about how awkward it would be for me to prepare myself into parenthood.
How do I prepare myself so far, you might ask. Well, truly I don't know. I am as clueless about expecting a baby as Garfield the cat about dieting.
That's why yesterday I borrowed five books about pregnancy. Yes five books. Before Saturday, I didn't even know that pregnancy book had more than one title. But on Sunday, I ran through different libraries and get the five of the best pregnancy books available. How did I know which ones are the best? Basically the same way many researchers qualify their sources, I chose the ones that had more pictures.
So now I have five thick pregnancy books sitting there on my desk. I don't know how I would get the time to read them. I am just glad that I have those books me. It's like having a full knowledge with me, if only I could find them. "Gosh you are craving for ostrich satay? .... It's probably explained in chapter 5, or is it page 263? .....Wait, this is a Spiderman book."
So, I need to learn fast about pregnancy. I probably need to start reading the books on my MRT journey, with the risk of having other passengers looking strangely at me, then the cover of the book, then the size of my tummy.
Gosh, these nine months.
Married life is different.
Countless times did I hear that said by many people, yet never did I think it would be like this.
It is full of surprises, like taking emotional roller coaster, with a blindfold and without the safety belt. Up times up ahead, and down times around the corner. You just let them hit you, enjoy them, learn from them, grow.
So, when my wife told me that the pregnancy test conducted by her doctor turned out to be POSITIVE, it's just another surprise splashed over my head.
I'm still constantly surprised by the fact that I am now married, and now I'm suddenly brought into another chapter. My eyes is still wide from the hearing the surprise.
But then I thought about babies, about MY baby, and my heart was just suddenly filled with warmth. With joy. With excitement. And I am scared at the same time.
I am still immature sometimes (most of the times in fact). And how can a big baby like me raise another baby? Am I ready?
I know there are many couples who want to have a baby but couldn't. And I know there are many couples who don't want to have baby but, recklessly and irresponsibly, got it anyway. I don’t know about the perfect time to have a baby, but somehow He thinks that this is the right time for us. So for me, it's not about wanting, not about avoiding. It’s about His blessing us with this baby, following His plan and have this joy in our hearts all the way. Thank you God.
Your prayers are welcomed.
Note: I planned to write something humorous and sarcastic as usual. But just couldn't think of anything to be laughed at. So for once, just laugh with me instead of at me.
I promise you there would be many experiences that you can laugh at in the future.
Ok, I am having another "first" moment in my marriage. This time is the first time my wife falls sick. This is a real one, not just a little headache that makes her go to a doctor to get a medical leave to skip the office hour, which, I might say, she never did in her entire life because:
a. She's a dedicated working woman who always put her best effort in her job
b. Her colleagues might read this blog
She's having a terrible flu. A flu that causes her to sneeze every time her nose is in contact with any minor object, such as oxygen. So, I immediately thought about many treatments and cures that could make her well. Then, just like many other caring husband whose wife is experiencing such suffering, I made plan to send her to her mom's.
The thing is, when I fall sick, it is quite easy to take care of me, mainly because I refuse to get out of the bed and I keep whining about how I felt.
But when my wife is sick, she cannot lay still and rest. She wants to clean the house and cook lunch. She also always says that she's getting better although her body temperature is enough to heat the whole Alaska. That’s why taking care of my wife sickness is confusing for me and it’s better to ask her mom to take care of her.
But of course I did not send my wife there at the end. My wife just needed to rest and take some medication from the doctor before she finally feels better. Of course she still sneezes here and there, but it’s much better now. I guess tomorrow she’ll be fine and will be able to continue her work. And iron my shirts for me.
A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there's a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position. After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to two men and a woman, but only one position was available.
The day came for the final test to see which peson would get the extremely secretive job. The CIA men administering the test took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow our instructions whatever the circumstances," they explained. "Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her." The man looked horrified and said, "You can't be serious! I could never shoot my wife!" "Well," said the CIA man, "you're definitely not the right man for this job then."
So they brought the second man to the same door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances," they explained to the second man. "Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her." The second man looked a bit shocked, but nevertheless took the gun and went in the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes; then the door opened. The man came out of the room with tears in his eyes. "I tried to shoot her; I just couldn't pull the trigger and shoot my wife. I guess I'm not the right man for the job."
"No," the CIA man replied, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."
Now they only had the woman left to test. They led her to the same door to the same room and handed her the same gun. "We must be sure that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances; this is your final test. Inside you will find your husband sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill him." The woman took the gun and opened the door. Before the door even closed all the way, the CIA men heard the gun start firing, one shot after another for 13 shots. Then all hell broke loose in the room. They heard screaming, rashing, and banging on the walls. This went on for several minutes; then all went quiet.
The door opened slowly, and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. I had to beat the son of a bitch to death with the chair!"
My in-laws asked me about my coffee habit, and what I said was “What coffee habit?”
The thing is that nobody in my in-laws family drinks coffee, whereas everybody in my family, including my dog, drinks about 2-3 cups of coffee every day. But it is an okay amount; it is much lower than other people who drink coffee by the gallons, some of them in fact have a tube injected through his arm and is connected to an Espresso machine.
I developed my coffee habit when I was taking my MBA. I had to stay awake and alert to write a 30 pages of report that was so boring even the typewriter was yawning. Luckily there were several vending machines that when I inserted 50c coins into, it would produce hot aromatic caffeine-infused sewage water. Well, at least it tasted like one.
But I had no choice but to drink the coffee everyday to open my eyes and activated my brain from screensaver mode. And since then I’ve been drinking coffee after my breakfast and lunch.
And now it has become a habit, I can feel the effect of the coffee. Without having a cup, I just cannot do anything useful, such as writing this blog, or remembering my own name. So now coffee it’s a must for me.
You might say that I am addicted to coffee, but I think of it as a way to wake me up, and it’s still harmless. If you don’t believe me, I will jump and scream at you. But unfortunately I cannot do that strenuous thing; I have not had my afternoon coffee.
Father's Day is around the corner (17 June), so let's start shopping for gifts. And why not this one? Link
Believe me, I tried to find one good reason but could not find any. So I want one.
There is nothing a dog would love more than to tear this apparel as an exercise. Link
If you ask me what the biggest threat of a marriage life that every couple must avoid is, I must say that it’s definitely the weight scale.
I for sure don't have one at home. But yesterday I visited my wife's old place to clean the house up, and there it was, sitting under a table, quietly waiting for its next victim, the demonic weight scale from hell.
It just attracted me the same way nose job attracted Michael Jackson: I knew it would be bad but I kept thinking hey maybe it would look good. So I gave up to its lure and stood on it. And to my horror, I found out that I have gained more weight.
I have gained 6.5 kg since I got married, 4 months ago. That means I gained more than 1.5 kg each month. So logically, in one year I would gain 18 kg. In five years I wouldn't be able to fit through my front door. In ten years, I would need a crane to lift my left arm.
Now, I look at my tummy more often and worry about how big it would get, especially with the amount of food that my wife gives me. See how bad the effect of weight scale is? Sure I always thought that my tummy is getting bigger, but I always thought that maybe it’s only temporary and it would be gone after I went to toilet several times. But now after I saw that horrifying numbers on the weight scale, it was confirmed that I am getting fatter by the month. And it’s all the weight scale’s fault.
So, my in- laws arrived yesterday night, and my wife seems so happy the whole night. smiling and chatting with her until 3 am. Me? Of course I am also happy, because as a loving husband and wife, when I see my wife happy, that means there's a big prospect of getting a lot of food from Jakarta.
No sorry, what happened was quite the opposite, because the first time they saw me, the first word that they said was how I was getting fatter. So that's why I decided to play badminton, although the courts were very far and my finger was injured from cleaning the house yesterday. But fortunately it did not affect game. It was lousy as always. At the standard that I usually play, the only way I could play worse is to cut both of my hands and tie me to the net post.
Anyway, back to the in-laws, I still not used to the noise in the morning. But then again, it's only the first day. I am sure I would be able to sleep like normal again. Especially after I stuff myself with all the food from Jakarta.
A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. While they were walking through the barn, the farmer's mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law in the head, killing her instantly. At the funeral service a few days later, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by.
The pastor noticed that whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head yes and say something. Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer, he would shake his head no and mumble a reply.
Curious, the pastor later asked the farmer what that was all about. The farmer replied: "The women would say, 'What a terrible tragedy' and I would nod my head and say, 'Yes, it was.' The men would ask, 'You wanna sell that mule?' and I would shake my head and say, 'Can't. It's all booked up for a year.'"
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A convicted felon was given ten years without parole for his latest crime. After 2 years in jail, he managed to escape. His escape was the lead item on the six o'clock news. Because he had to be careful, he worked his way home taking little travelled routes, running across deserted fields and taking every precaution he could think of. Eventually he arrived at his house and he rang the bell.
His wife opened the door and bellowed at him, "You good-for-nothing bum! Where the hell have ya been? You escaped over six hours ago."
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In a Trans-Atlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning.
One woman in particular loses it.Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die!" she wails. Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I've had plenty of relationships in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well I've had it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?"
Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. "I can make you feel like a woman," he says.
He's gorgeous. Tall, built, with flowing black hair and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time. No one moves. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers:
"Iron this."
Ok, I did some cleaning to the house for quite a while, because my in-laws are coming. And guest what? I think I did quite fine. Of course when I said fine, it meant something that my wife will look at and say something in the line of,”Oh you missed a spot... two in fact, wait, three...fou... nevermind, let me clean it again.”
Well, the thing is, my wife belongs to a very special group that is very susceptible to dirt. This group is called women. Whereas I, or men, can just sit around in the middle of huge construction area for a week without any moping or sweeping, then look around the room and said, “What dirt?”
Yes, of course I was a little bit exaggerating here.
She did not tell me that I am a dirty housekeeper (although I actually am) and that my cleaning is that bad (although it actually is). She just went ahead and wiped the whole things again. She did not ask which area that had been cleaned by me; she just grabbed the mop and did her stuff. It’s like it’s in her gene. The women just need to do the cleaning. Just like the men need to do his stuff, mainly burping and scratching himself. So I have already got used to it. When she came home early, I knew she would do the cleaning, so I usually do other house chores, like finishing the food in our fridge.
So, the house is clean again and is ready to welcome the in law. And I can proudly say, I cleaned the fridge.
Kinda fun to see. Do you want to know how the son of William Hung and Jar Jar Binks is going to look like? Well, me neither actually. But these are some other celebrities morphings.
Link
I understand that every married couple needs to go through some significant moments in their marriage life, such as the wedding night, birth of a child, first argument, children go to college, wife throwing out husband's clothes due to bad taste, and so on.
And this weekend I am about to experience one of those moments: first in-laws visit.
Tomorrow my mother in law is coming to stay with us for a few days.
It's not a big deal though. I have spent the night at my wife's place in Jakarta, so it should be same, right?
Right?
C'mon... anybody? Right?
Ok, it probably will not be the same. One thing for sure is that, being a mom, there is going to be a high probability that she's going to say something about the cleanliness of the house, which because I'm living in it, it's in a condition where even Spiderman's Sandman will complain that it's too dusty.
Of course I try to clean it sometimes, but apparently my definition of clean is quite different from my wife's. Therefore so far my house, in term of tidyness standard, is only a little above Tsunami wrecks. That means I have to do extra cleaning before the in laws are here. So I am going to have a few hours off tomorrow to do some clean up. And I will write about it in this blog, only when I can my computer under this whole mess.
