I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. Bob Newhart
I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house. Zsa Zsa Gabor
Prescription for a happy marriage: Whenever you're wrong, admit it, whenever you're right, shut up. Ogden Nash
Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. Jackie Mason

Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.

Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes.

Marriage requires a man to prepare 4 types of "RINGS" :- The Engagement Ring- The Wedding Ring- The Suffer-Ring- The Endue-Ring

Stewardess: I'm sorry, Mr. Smith, but we left your wife behind in London. Mr. Smith: Thank goodness! I thought I was going deaf!

Son: Is it true? Dad, I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries.Father: That happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE!