A guy was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up behind him and whacked him on the head with a frying pan.“What the hell was that for?” he asked.“That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Mary Lou written on it,” she replied.“But you don’t understand,” he pleaded. “Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Mary Lou was the name of one of the horses I bet on.”“Oh honey, I’m sorry,” she said. “I should have known there was a good explanation.”
Three days later he was watching a ball game on TV when she walked up and hit him in the head again, this time with the iron skillet, which knocked him out cold. When he came to, he asked, “What was that for?” he begged.
“Your horse called!”


An extremely wealthy 80-year-old arrived for his annual check-up and smiled when the doctor enquired about his health. "Never better," he announced proudly. "I've taken an 18-year-old bride, and she's pregnant. What do you think of that?" The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "I once knew a guy who was an avid hunter. One day he slept in, and in the subsequent rush, he dashed out with his umbrella instead of his rifle." "Go on, doc," said the old-timer "Deep in the woods, he faced a huge, angry bear, raised his umbrella, pointed it at the bear, and squeezed the handle. And do you know what happened?" Dumbfounded, the old codger shook his head. "The bear fell dead in front of him." "That's impossible," exclaimed the old man in disbelief. "Someone else must have been doing the shooting."
Sighing, the doctor gave his patient a friendly pat on the back. "That's what I'm getting at."