A wife wakes up of the middle of the night to find her husband missing from bed. Checking around the house, she hears sounds from the basement. After turning on the light and descending the stairs, she finds her husband curled up into a little ball, sobbing.
"Honey, what’s wrong?" she asks, worried about what could hurt him so much.
"Remember, 20 years ago, I got you pregnant, and your father threatened me to marry you or to go to jail?"
"Yes, of course," she replies.
"Well, I would have been released tonight."


A man tells his doctor he’s unable to do all the things around the house that he used to do. After the exam, he says, “Now, doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what the hell’s wrong with me.”“In layman’s terms, you’re lazy,” says the doctor.
“OK. Now give me a medical term, so I can tell my wife.”


A man gets home, screeches his car into the driveway, runs into the house, slams the door and shouts at the top of his lungs, “Honey,pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!” The wife says,“Ohmigod! No shit?! What should I pack,beach stuff or mountain stuff?”
The husband yells back,“It doesn’t matter… just get the hell out!”