Shadow Badminton

I finally had the time to play badminton again today. When I said I had time, it didn't mean that I actually played. Unfortunately there's a mix up in the court booking so we didn't manage to play. However, I had a good workout though, walking from the MRT station to the court, which much more tiring than my regular workout of fried-chicken lifting and potato-chips dipping.

But it won't stop me from keep playing badminton. In my mission to reduce the number of chins that I have now, I need to sweat more, which is kind of ironic because the one activity that cause me to produce sweat the most is eating nasi padang.

The first time I played badminton was around four-five years ago, and I was very excited and keen to play and learn. And I was not bad, I was very "gung ho" and in fact, I proudly managed to break a record, which was for the highest number of people who refused to play with.

But now after I got married, it's clearer to me that at this age, there's no way I could be like Rudi Hartono. Like Danny DeVito maybe, but definitely not like Rudi Hartono.
So when I play badminton these days, my aim is to sweat as much as possible, without caring about whether I win or lose.

It was a better goal for me as now I don't have to run toward the shuttlecock as much. The goal is to just run, and not necessarily toward the shuttlecock. So I usually end up stopping on the next court, or sometimes in Johor.

Anyway, so today I did not manage to play. I went home from the cancelled game, still feel pumped-up. Maybe I'll do coke-can press as a substitute. At least nobody can reject me.

Look How I Cook

Who said that cooking is not for men? Who said that a woman is a better cook than a man? Tell me who said that! And I'll agree with that person.

It's because I found out that I was useless in the kitchen. I always thought that I wouldn't have any problem with the grater, frying pan, spatula, etc. But apparently my cooking skill is the same as a 5-year-old kid's, except that a kid can sometimes boil water successfully, whereas when I try to boil water, I usually end up burning the kettle.

My wife apparently understands this. Always try to give understanding look while pushing me away from the kitchen. She's also still learning to cook, but at least she understands what pressure-cooking means, while I'm still trying to grasp the idea of simmering.

She told me that she used to help her mom cook and that I also need to practice if I want to excel in this area. But the thing is practice usually has a cost. And in my case, the most likely cost will be either food poisoning or burned down flat.

I did try cooking in the past though. I tried to cook a simple omelet with a special ingredient called: nothing. It sounds simple right? That's what I thought too, until I needed to flip the egg.
I don't know how people do that. They just slipped the spatula under the omelet and voila! It's flipped.
When I tried to do that, I tried to insert the spatula under the egg, and voila! Nothing happened. I couldn't even insert the spatula under the egg. So a few panicking and messy moments later, I was finally able to produce something that was supposed to be an omelet, which more similar to something that people running away from in sci-fi movie.

So I guess I just let my wife rules the kitchen, while I do my chore that I do best, eating.

A wife wakes up of the middle of the night to find her husband missing from bed. Checking around the house, she hears sounds from the basement. After turning on the light and descending the stairs, she finds her husband curled up into a little ball, sobbing.
"Honey, what’s wrong?" she asks, worried about what could hurt him so much.
"Remember, 20 years ago, I got you pregnant, and your father threatened me to marry you or to go to jail?"
"Yes, of course," she replies.
"Well, I would have been released tonight."


A man tells his doctor he’s unable to do all the things around the house that he used to do. After the exam, he says, “Now, doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what the hell’s wrong with me.”“In layman’s terms, you’re lazy,” says the doctor.
“OK. Now give me a medical term, so I can tell my wife.”


A man gets home, screeches his car into the driveway, runs into the house, slams the door and shouts at the top of his lungs, “Honey,pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!” The wife says,“Ohmigod! No shit?! What should I pack,beach stuff or mountain stuff?”
The husband yells back,“It doesn’t matter… just get the hell out!”

Coming on the Jetplane 2

Another question that keep bothers me every time I am on board of a plane is this: Why do they always ask us to adjust our seat to upright position?
I more or less understand about the other plane take off ritual, but I still do not understand why we need to sit upright. I mean, what’s going to happen if the plane takes off and, my gosh, you are sitting with your chair reclined. Are they going to cancel the flight and call the airline security? Or are they going to slap you on the wrist with their plastic fork?
For me, the only reasons that come to my mind are these:
If you put the seat on upright position, it will be easier for the stewardess to see you from the front of the cabin (but that does not make sense, because why do they want to see you? Any eye contact will cause the passengers to ask for water or blankets)
The whole airline industry hates you.

So, for me, the reason we need to sit upright is that the stewardess need to wake up and work all the time, there’s no way they are going to let us sleep and rest, thus they ask us to sit upright in a very uncomfortable position.
But at least that only last until the seatbelt sign if off. Then the stewardess can start banging their food cart to our seat to wake us up.

Looks That Kill

I gained weight after I got married. Everybody said it's not a big deal and it's a common thing. So now the question is whether I should do something about it.

Before the married life, some men still try to maintain their weight for various reasons, want to look good, want to keep fit, and mostly, don’t want to replace their pants with bigger ones.

But after men get married, should they worry about their appearance?

So let's consider these two possibilities:
The first one is the the man still maintain his weight, spend an hour tidying his hair, wearing fancy clothes and wearing a gallon of cologne. What happen then were people thinks that the man always take care of himself, whereas the wife thinks that he still wants to impress other girls and care too much of himself (but not of his wife). The man himself, when he looks in the mirror, smiles and says,” Hello handsome"

Now the second situation is the man gains weight, and he doesn't care about his hair, his outfit and his smell. What happen then were people think that the man is well fed and happy. Whereas the wife thinks that he doesn't care about the wife anymore now that he looks like the old Marlon Brando. The man himself, when he looks in the mirror, just smiles and says,” Hello handsome"

I just leave it there without further comment.

This is going to be how angry wives look in the future

Link

Coming On a Jet Plane

I have been traveling back and forth to Indonesia for a long time now and I still have these questions about the flight that keep bugging me, which I will write in a few postings so that it won’t be too long and it won’t bore you.

First question: Do they know that their food sucks?
The stewardess must have seen the look on the passengers face when they receive their food (or maybe not, maybe the stewardess are too busy throwing their radiant smile around that their vision are limited). They also must have seen the amount of leftover food, which to the common people logically means that the passengers prefer chewing the seat cushion to eating the food.
But how come they do not do anything to improve their food?

Yesterday when I flied from Indonesia, the air stewardess gave me a fried bee hoon (rice noodles) whose taste was not more than the taste of my house door knob. This budget airline that I took has always given me crappy food. And I saw many passengers ignoring the food right after the first bite. But apparently this was not a strong enough indication that the food was bad. Maybe the stewardess thought that leftover food indicated the passengers loved the food so much that they put some aside for later consumption.

Why can’t they just serve pizza? Everybody loves pizza. I love pizza. It’s easy to serve (I do not even need the stupid plastic utensils), it’s easy to prepare, it’s easy to wrap. How about other fast food? I once fly with a budget airline that served McDonald beef burger. And I did not complain (except for the fact that it’s not Big Mac). Maybe they think that fast food is not classy enough to be served in an airplane.

And the airline executives, what do they eat when they fly? If they eat the airline food, do they really like it? I suspect they are served with other type of food, better food. I suspect they eat pizza.

Back In Shape

We are back in Singapore, safe and sound,... and fat.
It's not just I ate too much of Indonesian food, each of which has enough calories and fat to cause artery clogging, but I also brought many of the Indonesian food back with me to Singapore, which means that I am going to continue expanding the size of my tummy.

I need to bring back the food. Every time I arrive back in Singapore, I always get depressed by the food here. I am not saying that all Singaporean food are bad. No, most of them are also boring. They all taste the same to me. So you can imagine how happy I am to see my fridge is filled with rendang, ayam gulai, siomay, otak-ot... *drips*.. oops sorry, I am salivating all over my keyboard just by typing those.

Another thing that makes me depressed every time I arrive in Singapore is obviously getting away from the family. I am already used to being away from the family for a long time, at the cost of deteriorating my personal hygiene.
However I still not used to say good bye to them. And this trip was even worse because now I went home with my wife. That means we have to share our already-short trip between Bogor and Jakarta. We need to plan carefully to share our time between the two parents. And it's going to happen every time, like when we go home for Chinese New Year. So we need to decide where and when we should go. But as two loving adults, we will find a reasonable compromising solution. We are going to flip a coin.

Wedding Trip 2

Saturday -- So this was the big day. My sister's wedding. It just reminded us of our wedding that happened a long time ago. One month and twenty two days ago to be exact.

It's like we went through the whole process again, except that at the end we did not count the angbaos. We woke up early, we went to Jakarta early, my wife did some make up, I prepared the ang baos, my dad called and organized the family, and my mom complained how tedious the whole process was, it's all the same. Well, except that at the end we weren’t the ones who count the angbaos.

My mom was getting better and did not puke anymore. She finally decided to go to a Doctor. She never likes going a Doctor. But she after a while she finally went anyway, because after much consideration, she decided that us pushing and nagging her to go to the doctor was more annoying than the sickness itself. So she went, got her medication and got better.

Then we started the tea ceremony. For those of you who are not accustomed to Chinese tradition, tea ceremony is a ritual where the bride and groom serve tea to the elders so that after the many years they have been nurtured, the couple can show to the elders that, from the bottom of their hearts, the couple really wants their angbaos.

After the tea ceremony, we started the wedding ceremony, which was opened with the processional of the bride and groom, and ended with my feet got cramped.
It's because I needed to stand during the whole event. I had to be in the hosting team, who greeted the guests, entertained them, etc etc. So there was a little time for me to sit. But at the end the whole process went out smoothly and everybody was happy. Except when I saw the couple brought home their angbao boxes.

Wedding Trip

Friday -- My wife and I arrived in Jakarta at 9 something in the morning after an only one-hour-and -fifteen-minutes flight and served a looks-like-chicken-but-tastes-like rubber meal.

From the airport, we took a bus ride home for around two hours and arrived safely in Bogor and then we felt hungry right away. That's the common effect of us going home. And we were determined to have at least sotomie, batagor, fried rice, nasi padang, many kinds of noodles, and nasi udug for this short trip. And that's only for breakfast.

So that's what we did the first time we arrived in Bogor. We ate a bowl of noodle and soto babat, empal and kampong fried chicken, etc etc. And oh yeah, we met the parents too.

I came home to attend my sister's wedding diner, which would be held on Saturday evening. So it would be a good chance to meet up with all long lost relatives, who I seldom meet and whose names I can barely remember.

My mom was also very excited about the whole event; shown by the many many times she went to the toilet to puke.
Yeap, unfortunately my mom got sick just a day before the wedding. She had a diarrhea and needed to go to the toilet every time she ate anything. She tried many traditional medications, but when the diarrhea was finally cured, she ended up puking. But she's getting better by the minute.

So after I took care of her and saw that she’s recovering, I decided that I should not stay up very late myself because everything would start very early the next day. Well, I wouldn't be able to keep awake anyway, not after the non-stop eating.

Leaving On A Jet Plane

As mentioned in several blogs ago, I am planning to go back to Indonesia tomorrow.
I promise that I will still write, but I don’t think I can post it from the computer at my place, as due to the slow Internet rate, it might take longer for me to upload the blog than to transform a raw metal to a fully-functioned computer.
But I will only be gone during the weekend and will be back on Sunday night. So for those of you who read this blog in the office on weekdays, you won't miss a thing. But for those of you who read this blog every morning and cannot start your day without it, well, please get a life.
No, sorry. What I meant was thanks for your interest and I promise I will upload the blogs of my trip on Monday morning the latest. That is if I am not too busy eating the food that I brought from home.

Weight on My Feet

I went to donate my blood today, and I might say that it was a terrifying experience and I don't think I can go through it again.
No, I am not talking about the needle and the blood (although I always got the cold feet). I was talking about how I need to check my weight first before I donated.

I don't have weight scale at home. So I do not need to be worry about my weight. I just assume that my weight is the same, if not declining. Just ignore the bulging tummy and the triple chin. Since I don’t have weight scale to prove it, I say I am thinner.
But once in a while, like today, I could not escape and needed to face the scale and looked straight at it in the eyes, or in this case, in the LCD display, and face the truth.

Then I found out that I just gained 3 kg after I got marriage.
3 kg in one a half month? I cannot imagine how I would be in a year. Guess I'd better start dieting, maybe just control my diner first, mm maybe twice a week first, maybe next week...

I must talk more about this weight issue next time.

Singing Everybody Out

What is it about singing? I watched American Idol last night and it seemed that everybody could sing, well everybody except me.

I have the voice that makes a kitchen juicer sounds like Beyonce. I try to sing many many times, mostly in my bathroom, but what comes out of my mouth can often cause birds to migrate early, sometimes to as far as Brazil.

But I don't stop singing, because of one reason: my hearing is as bad as my singing. So although sometimes I think my voice is more or less on par with Andrea Bocelli’s, while my friends think that I actually do sound like Bocelli, when he has durian skins stuck on his throat.

And now that I am marriage, there's another person in my life who is happy to hear me sing, while trying to mix sleeping pills into my coffee every time I start singing.
You see, my wife can actually sing. She's in my church choir and she knows what falsetto means. So she tries to teach me how to sing. How to breath, how to use my stomach voice, how to stop singing when I see other people’s ears are bleeding, etc.
But so far, although I know more about breathing (i.e. breath is a must when you are singing, and talking, and running, etc.), I still think that my voice is appalling, shown by the many times my wife laughs when I sing out of pitch (most of the time).

But I still sing, and I won’t stop. I will sing and sing, until finally one day I reach my goal. I will sing until my neighbor will not be able to stand my voice anymore and move out, and then I can rent their place, because it’s so much nicer.

300 Push Ups

I though the only impression left on one's mind after he watched the movie 300 was only the blood spills. But apparently I was wrong.
People are apparently impressed by the hundreds of man running around and killing each others while showing their biceps and abs. So after watching the movie, many people are inspired to go down to the street, wearing nothing but a cape and tight shorts.

No sorry, that’s not the right effect. What people are inspired to do is to hit the gym and get the body like those 300 Spartans. I read on Yahoo.com that people are searching the Internet for the 300 workout routine (here). Also, Men’s Health magazine also featured an article of their workout (here).

You see how people are now more obsessed with their figure? There are more gyms everywhere in Jakarta and Singapore so that people can go there after work and try to find an excuse to eat more fat (“Hmm, I did 3 bench presses today, so it’s okay for me to eat this ribs and ice cream”). And now when they see a movie filled with people with hands the size of my refrigerator, they are inspired to go in front of a mirror, look at their body, and say to themselves, “I am going to have that body,... right after I finish this macaroni and cheese and jelly donuts”.

Fortunately I have passed the period when a movie can affect what I think about my body. Luckily that period happened a few years back when all famous stars did not understand the difference between deltoid and mozzarella. I mean, the most famous star back then was Michael Jackson, whose body is not wider than a regular straw, and even the action movie stars back, such as the young Mel Gibson and Bruce Willis then never showed their pecs and biceps, because they did not have any. They did, however, have a Carl’s Jr’s abs and Ben & Jerry’s chin.

But now Hulk-size pecs and abs are everywhere. Maybe that means I also must go to the gym often and cut down my chocolates intake. I guess I must do more exercise. Tomorrow then. Or maybe next week. I think...

Going Home Rituals

We are planning to go back to Indonesia this weekend to attend my sister’s wedding. It’s only a short trip, Friday to Sunday, and there are many planned activities waiting for us. That means we will not be able to experience the best part of going home, which are the nasi padang, soto betawi, batagor, sotomie and pecel.

We are going to spend most of our time in Bogor this time, to help the preparation for the wedding (if needed). So once we arrive in Jakarta’s airport, we are going to take the shuttle bus to Bogor. But once we arrive in Bogor, we will surely feel a new sensation that we seldom feel when we are abroad, the feeling of numb on our butt.
It’s because the trip will last for 2 to 3 hours and there’s no break in between. So when we arrive, we usually cannot feel most of our body parts from the waist down. If there’s a thief who’s planning to take our wallet, or our shoes, he would be able to snatch them away easily and we would not notice anything and just continue reading our gossip newspaper. Heck, he can even snatch our legs away and we still wouldn’t know it.

In Bogor, our only plan is to do our hair. We always do that every time we are in Indonesia, because when we look at the quality and the style of the hair stylists in Singapore and Indonesia, the Indonesians have a quality that differentiate them from other hair stylists in the world, they are cheap.

Then what we usually do is to have some Indonesian food (hope we will have the time). Soto betawi and batagor are some of the must have every time I go home, and we are going to have a lot of them. Eat often, eat a lot is basically our motto when we are in Indonesia. 2 kg is the minimum addition to our tummy every time we go home.

We might visit our relatives to say hi, but I don't think we will have time, besides they might not have food. We also want to go shopping if we got the time, for DVD, computer things, and food. And maybe, if we have time, we will eat.

300

What would you say if you watch a movie that is filled with senseless killing, gallons of blood spraying, human's limbs flying around and bland storyline?
Yes, it is great!
That’s what the movie 300 is all about.
But you only say that the movie is great if you are a man. A woman (my wife, for example) still doesn't understand why this movie is made. Maybe if they put Justin Timberlake there, it would be easier for women to understand.
300 tells a story of 300 Spartan soldiers who did not understand the function of clothes and running around only with a cape that looked like it was stolen from Superman. That’s why when millions of Persian army attacked the village, the 300 Spartan decided to fight them to the death, because they figured it's a better thing to do than freezing to death.

So it's basically a story about the courage of the soldiers. The whole movie shows how bloody the war goes and how crazy the Spartans are. These are the kind of crazy people who take piercing their tongue as a hobby. But that was the kind of insanity that cost the Persian thousands of lives, although at the end the 300 were dead (oops, spoiler). So it was a happy ending after all, sort of.

The story of the movie is based on a real life event that happened in a comic book and so the graphic of the movie often looks like a painting, which is kinda cool.
So, I recommend this movie to all of you comic lovers, unless if you are a woman.

Two women were in a hair salon talking about their home lives when the subject of flighty husbands came up.
"It's unbelievable," one woman said. "I can never figure out where he goes at night."
"I know exactly what you mean," said the other woman. "One second he's in the house, and the next he's gone without a trace."
"Well," says a woman eavesdropping nearby. "I always know where my husband is."
"How do you manage that?" the other two women ask.
"Easy," she replies. "I'm a widow."
When a physician remarked on a new patient's extraordinarily ruddy complexion, he said, "High blood pressure, Doc. It comes from my family."
"Your mother's side or your father's?" the doctor asked.
"Neither," he replied. "It's from my wife's family."
"Oh, come now," the doctor said. "How could your wife's family give you high blood pressure?"
He sighed. "You oughta meet 'em sometime, Doc!"

Two older gentleman were talking and one said to the other, "You're having an anniversary soon, right?"
The other replied, "Yup, a big one ... 20 years."
"Wow," said the other. "What are you going to get your wife for your anniversary?"
The other replied, "We're going on a trip to Australia."
"Wow, Australia, that's some gift!" said the other man. "That's going to be hard to beat. What are you going to do for your 25th anniversary?"
"Oh, I'll probably go back and get her."

THE FEMALE RULES

1. The Female always makes THE RULES.
2. THE RULES are subject to change without notice.
3. No Male can possibly know all THE RULES.
4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all THE RULES, she must immediately change some of THE RULES.
5. The Female is never wrong.
6. If it appears the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding caused by something the Male did or said wrong.
7. If Rule #6 applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.
8. The Female can change her mind at any time.
9. The Male must never change his mind without the express written consent of The Female.
10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
11. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female wants him to be angry or upset.
12. The Female must, under no circumstances, let the Male know whether she wants him to be angry or upset.
13. The Male is expected to read the mind of the Female at all times.
14. At all times, what is important is what the Female meant, not what she said.
15. If the Male doesn't abide by THE RULES, it is because he can't take the heat, lacks backbone, and is a wimp.
16. If the Female has PMS, all THE RULES are null and void and the Male must cater to her every whim.
17. If the Male, at any time, believes he is right, he must refer to Rule #5.

Madness Sale

As we just talked about shopping, I noticed that there's a difference between how men and women shop.
Men are more of a need-basis kind of shopper, who decide what they need first before they go shopping, whereas women are more of, well, … nuts.
No, sorry, I meant whereas women are of a price-basis shopper, who find out about the price of things first and make up some needs for them. That’s why women love sales and discounts so much.
For instance, if a man has a problem with his heart, he would immediately find a heart transplant and pay for whatever the cost is. But a woman in a same condition will wait for a big organs summer sale, where she could buy a heart transplant in a big discount and can collect stamps that can be traded with kidney or other intestines.

Women usually cannot stand seeing a sale. When a woman walks into a store and sees a dress with 40% discount, she just suddenly forgets about the 5 wardrobe full of dresses that she has at home and thinks that she is a poor old lady from Zimbabwe who never goes to a shopping mall. So when a woman sees a sale, she is going to think that she definitely need that dress.
When a man walks in a shopping mall, on the other hand, and sees a 40% discount sign for a shirt, he will not be tempted. The truth is, he does not even see the sign, because he is busy with either checking out the girls in the stores, or trying to find an excuse to run away from accompanying his wife or girlfriend’s shopping spree.

But I am not saying that men do not have this same shopping madness. They do, when it comes to electronics, sports and cars. But women tend to have this madness more often. So, it is up to us husband to end this madness. I say we stand up and make our ground. We look our wife in the eyes and tell her, firmly and boldly, that we are having a fever and she cannot go shopping to take care of us.
Thank God for women’s paternal instinct

Shopping Scroogely

Shopping was a fun and simple thing to do before marriage.

Back then, I just simply walked into a store, searched for things that I like and checked the price tag. If the price was within my budget then I bought it and if it was beyond my budget, I then raised my budget, whcih basically explain why I haven't had my Porshce, sort of.

But now that I am married, budget somehow becomes more important. For instant, this weekend, my wife and I went out to buy simple bread in a small grocery shop downstairs. It went smoothly until I saw the price tag. And, get ready for this shocking news, it was 10 cents more expensive than the price in the supermarket.
I was upset, more upset than what I imagine 10 cents could cause. But later I was more upset by the fact that I was upset, just because of the 10 cent. What am I becoming? I never compared prices before, or to be more precise, I could never memorize prices (yeap, I am not great in the memory department).
But now it felt like I am becoming a housewife who continuously nags and bargains to get a 5% discount on eggs and milk until the shopkeeper realize that she's been there for 3 hours and the only way it can end is for him to give the discount.
I actually do not know whether this change is good or not. Maybe that means I now more concern about my family financial condition, or maybe I want to be a better customer. But maybe it means I became more a stingy, cheap, scrooge, money-loving husband,... which I actually am, but still......

No Idol

I watched American Idol last night. For those of you who just got out of your mother’s placenta, American Idol is the top TV show where singer wanna-be sing in front of national TV and, if they are really really really good, they can get a once-in-a-lifetime chance to be humiliated by the juries.

I remember that I watched a lot of this show last season, but I don’t think that I am going to watch very often this year. I don’t know why, but I don’t think that this season’s contestants are very exciting. There is no rocker that rocks, there is no white-haired dude who thinks he can dance, and there is no blonde whose brain is like, well, a blonde’s. This season, however, there’s a babe whose sexy and half-naked photos are all over the Web (check out the news here) But she is voted off now, so, ah well.

And I am also getting tired of hearing Simon’s remarks. It’s used to be funny, now it’s just plain boring. But it’s okay I guess, since I cannot understand his accent most of the time.

So I don’t think I am going to watch this season that much. Maybe I just watch 24, where the tortured terrorist’s scream can substitute some of the Idol’s singing.

As Seen On TV

As a regular guy, I enjoy sitting on a couch, drinking cold drinks and watching TV. I am a big fan of TV. I am a guy who if I were stuck in a deserted island and granted to bring three things, one of them would be a TV. Then I would kill myself because then I realized there's no electricity in that island.

Before I got marriage, I used to watch the TV alone and have a total control of the remote. But now that my wife is with me, well, there's not much difference. It's because my wife doesn't watch TV that much. She only watch a very few programs, all of which I never watch myself.
So, seeing the difference, I then do what every loving and caring husband in the world does, to try to change the wife to become more like me.

I asked her to join me every time I watch TV, which is every night, and it went very well, from the moment the show started, to ten minutes later, when her attention just went to everything else in the room, shown by her going to the kitchen for about twenty times to get a drink, get a snack, remodel the kitchen cabinet, etc.
“Wow, Jack Bauer almost got ……. Hey, our shirts have not been ironed”
“This Eva Longoria’s character should just stay… mmm, I think it’s going to rain in an hour, I’d better bring in our laundry”
And so on.
So after a while I gave up and just watched the TV alone. I guess we cannot just change our spouse just because we like something. We can try, but there’s always a possibility that we might not like what she becomes after she changes. So I believe that it’s better this way, which means that she also cannot nag to change me or the outfit that I wear.

Visiting Hours

I went to visit my friend in a hospital yesterday. And this is the third time I went there in this month, although I am not a big fan of hospitals.
No matter how nice they make the building, it’s still a place for sick people. So, hospitals are not really what I call a happy place, and going there is not the highlight of my day.
As a start, I really do not know why we visit the sick. People said that by visiting the sick, we are encouraging him to recover soon. But then again, the doctors tell the sick to take plenty of rest, day and night. But when we visit him, he will not be able to rest, won’t he?
So now, how long should we be there? I usually only want to stay for less than an hour. But how if there are a lot of other visitors and all of them seem like they are having a great time, despite the fact that at the same time the sick person is having a needle stuck on his arm. So if I go home then, it seems like I am a party spoiler aren’t I? Probably that’s what on everybody’s minds also. So then nobody wants to be the one who go home first. Everybody is looking at each other, waiting for the others, until one of them starves to death.

And the visitors always talk about the sickness. Like last night, they talked about the surgery on thyroid, and I looked like I was listening with enraptured interest, while in my mind, I did not have any idea what thyroid was. For all I know it can be part of your finger nail or ankle, I can never be sure.
The visitors also keep asking the sick many questions about how he feels (which we know that the answer is “terrible” because he is, in fact, sick!) and try to make a funny remark to entertain the sick, and then laugh very loud.
Hmm, so maybe that’s why we need to visit the sick. He will get annoyed by us during the visit and will be motivated to get well as soon as possible so that he does not have to be visited again.

The Pursuit of Happyness

I have not gone to any cinema for a long time as now I prefer to watch movie at home (on DVD), alone with my wife (which is btw folks, one of the effect of getting married, you always prefer to go home than to go anywhere else). So now when I want to talk about movies, please understand that it will not be a recent movie, as I need to wait until the movies are released on DVD.

Last night I watched The Pursuit of Happyness, which is the story of Chris Gardner was succesfully being poor throughout the whole movie. It's the story of a poor man's struggle to reach success, although the movie only shows how terrible and unlucky being poor is, and there is no one scene showing the main character has money.
Although Will Smith gives a great performance, the whole movie is really depressing for me, although at the end the main character was told to reach a very succesful life.
So the main point of this movie is that no matter how poor or rich you are, no matter whether you are black or white, no matter how high your education is, you can look really ridiculous wearing an afro hairdo.

Bed Time Story

People say that after marriage, bedroom is where the action is.
And hoe it is so true. How can you take away action from the bedroom when all night you and your wife push each other on your bed to get extra space, and play tug o war with your blanket?

The lovey dovey that we were, we decided to buy a queen size bed. Don't worry about the size, we said. We do not need a king-size bed, we said, we do not want to be too far away from each other. Gosh, how much love alcohol did we have when we said that.

I am used to sleep on a big bed and I move a lot when I sleep. The problem is so does my wife. So now that we sleep together, we sometimes end up waking up with one of our arms twisted in a funny way. In a funny scary way.

So we need to find a solution for this, before my wife decides that I need to sleep in the bathroom. For now we just try not to move a lot, which is very hard to do since I usually do not control my body when I am asleep.
Sometimes I put a bolster pillow in between us, but it doesn't work. When we wake up, the bolster is usually not in its place anymore and end up in a strange place, like in Brunei.
So for now self control is the only way to go.

Luckily, I do not snore. Or at least my wife has not complained about it.

Wash And Clean

My wife sweeps and mops the floor in the evening. Now, it should not be a big deal, except that I just did those a few hours before.

Apparently my idea of clean and tidy is totally different from hers. For her, a clean and tidy area means a sterile place that if a virus, bacteria, parasite or Kevin Federline dares to step into, they will be vaporized immediately by the gallons of disinfectants poured there. Whereas for me, it means an area where it's possible for me to find my TV remote control only after 2 minutes of digging through the pizza boxes and beer cans.
So every time my wife says to me,” I need to mop the floor, the place is so full of dirt", what I see is a bright healthy living room with floor that is clean enough to eat from.
So while my wife is diligently mopping the floor, I am continuously telling her "what for?" and asked her to join me to do something more important, such as watching Desperate Housewives on TV.

That also happens with the dishes. For me, a simple rinse for my coffee mug is enough, as it is going to be used again, by the same person, for the same purpose, with the same kind of coffee, 3 hours after it's first used. But my wife insists on cleaning it fully, with dishwashing liquid and all.
So for me anything that doesn't have a visible stain should be good enough to be used again, whereas for my wife anything that is ever touched by anything, including breeze of wind, must be washed thoroughly.

Then we made a working arrangement for this. I can do the dishes or mop the floor. But after that, she can inspect the work. If she spots any stain (and she usually does), she can redo the work, while I do other house works, which she will inspect again. And do again.
Seems like a good arrangement for me as she will be the one who does the work huh? Unfortunately she always has this ability to make me feel guilty about anything, including earth gravitation. So she definitely uses that skill every time she needs to redo my work. So I end up cleaning more thoroughly in the already-hygiene-and-sterile room.
And they say female is the weaker sex.

Customer's Email:
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began running in the background. The Unexpected Child Support 1.0 started processing and took up a lot of space and memory.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0 , Hunting and Fishing 7.5 , and Golfing 3.6. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. In fact my all time favourite programs such as Lazy Saturday 5.0 and Sleepy Sunday 4.2 are now only can be run occasionally, and often replaced by Shopping 3.0 and Home Cleaning 3.11.
I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 , but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0 . Please help!
Thanks,
Troubled User.....

Reply:
Dear Troubled User,
This is a very common problem that users complain about. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by HEAVEN UNLIMITED COMPANY to run and control your day to day operation.
It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0 . It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because it might cause your system to crash. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony/Child Support .
I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation. The best course of action is to enter the command C:APPOLOGIZE! because ultimately you will have to give the APPOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance . Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0 , Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2 .However, be very careful on how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !
WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3 . This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system!

Tech Support

Bed Matters

Sometimes a man has to step up and do what a man got to do. So yesterday when I and my wife found that our bed was broken, I stepped up and did what's need to be done. I went to the living room and watched TV.
Well it's because that's what I usually did a few months back when I only rented a room. The landlords usually handled the problem and I just needed to inform them. But now that I rented my own whole flat, there is nobody else to inform and fix the furniture, which means I could not just sit there and do nothing.

So I went back to the bedroom and looked at the bed with intense attention. That's what I see all repairmen do before they start working. They looked at the broken thing as if it's a nuclear bomb about to explode. But then they actually found out what the problem was and worked on it, whereas I just continued staring at the bed, and the only thing in my mind was, "Should I have a second lunch?"
The problem with the bed was that one side of the bed was tilting inside despite the fact that all the screws were intact. So after I could not find out what the problem was, I did another thing that professional repairmen always do in this situation. I took a long coffee break.
But before I went out I found that the tilting side was actually installed lower than the other sides. Well, it's hard to explain it here, especially since you are also not that interested. But let's just say that I found what the problem was, or at least I thought so.

So I decided to fix it right away. Unfortunately I needed to lift and turn the heavy bed to fixthe problem. That's when I called my wife.
No, of course I did not ask her to do the lifting for me. But I needed some help to stuck something under the bed to make all the sides even, while I lifted the heavy bed.
After all the sweats and effort, I can finally say that, well, it's still not perfectly fixed, but at least it would hold. And the next time it happens again, now that I have had the experience, I know what to do. I am going to call my previous landlord.

Working The House

Now let's talk about house chores. Before marriage life, my impressions of house chores was very simple. The division of work is quite straightforward. Women cook, men eat; women tidy up, men mess up; women wash clothes, men wear clothes.
But that's under the condition that men work for money and women become housewives. Now that both of us are working, the division of work becomes very blur. Who's doing what? Both of us are busy during the day and tired during the night.
Fortunately, being newlyweds, a lovey dovey that we are, we don't want the other to be tired. Unfortunately our approach is very different here. While my wife kindly says, "Let me do the cleaning. You just rest there", my approach is, "Let's both rest and NOT do the cleaning", because apparently men's tolerance towards dirt is very high.

So you can't see the problem here. While my wife pushes me to the couch to rest, I also pull her in, which usually ends up in having her broomstick stuck in my eye.
But we don't spent 4 years of dating (and fighting) for nothing. we simply came out with an agreement for our division of house work. I usually do the sweeping and moping, my wife does the laundry. I wash the dishes in the evening, my wife washes the dishes in the morning. I am in charge of everything electronic, she is in charge of anything edible. I am in charge of TV remote control, she is in charge of air-con remote control.

But of course we sometimes change role, which sometimes can be disastrous. I try to do the food and fail miserably. You see, when my wife does the food, let's say peel an apple, she just does chop chop chop and suddenly all the apples are cut in nice little shape. But when I try to do it, I take a knife and go chop chop chop and the apples come out in various unrecognizable shapes, and I guess I am lucky that I still have my complete set of fingers. That's why the kitchen is her area and the TV couch is definitely mine.

The Right Ring

Let's talk more about the ring, because the ring is such an important part of a marriage, and I actually don't have anything exciting to talk about.

Right now I have the ring on my left ring finger. But am actually still confused about whether I should wear it on my left hand or right hand. I actually believe that it should be put on a necklace so that it is easier for me to wear, but apparently the rest of the world (my wife) thinks that it is men's trick to hide the wedding ring under the shirt so that other women do not know that the men is married. That is so absurd, and so humiliating, and so degenerating, and.. and.., ah well, so true, but only for SOME men.
But for me, I only want to put it on my necklace because I am still not used to have it on my ring finger. When I put it on, I always want to scratch it with my thumb. Have you seen a man in movie who looks cool when he plays with his ring, twisting it, squeezing it, etc.? Well that's not the case for me. When I twist my ring using my left thumb, and that's very often, instead of looking smart and cool, I look like having athlete's foot on my fingers.

Anyway, back to the point. So which one is the correct way to wear the ring? left hand? right hand?
My brother told me that it should be the right hand, so that when we shake hand with other people, using our right hand, they will be able to immediately feel that there is a ring on it. Make sense, except that in my case, my ring is very small that it can only be felt when I put a small needle on it.

Then I did a long and extensive research by asking a very selective group of people who happened to be near me when I remember that I was doing a research. Most of them said that it should be on the right hand.
But I was not satisfied. I need to gather more data to justify this, because in science, there is no such thing as too many proofs. Besides, I have bought the ring for my LEFT hand, using my left ring finger size. So I'd better find some justifications that it is the correct way.

So I turned to one credible source that everyone trust: The Internet. The same credible source that gave us a convincing data that Donald Trump was actually a woman.
And from the Internet I finally found out that, check this out, both hands are okay. Wearing a ring on left hand is more common in Europe and US, whereas in other regions, the common way is the right hand.
There you go. Both hands are fine. Wearing it on a necklace though, is another story.

Lord of The Ring

As I am now a newlywed, my friends, when they visit my new home, often ask me a profound question, "Empy, where is the bathroom?", because they need to walk quite far from the MRT station to reach my home. But after that they also ask me, "So, what is the difference between marriage life and bachelorhood?".
The answer is very simple, my dear single and unenlightened friends. In marriage life, you have to wear a RING.
By wearing a ring you are telling the world that you are now unavailable and how commited you are to your wife, also how cheap you are because the diamond in the ring can only be seen using a very strong microscope.

I myself try to wear the ring everytime I get out of the house, because I want to show the world that I am now happily married to the woman that I love. Also, my wife will kill me if she finds out that I forget to put it on.
But it is not always nice to wear a ring. Now I still feel uncomfortable having a strange object encircling my used-to-be-naked finger. Well I guess it 's a new habit that I have to get used to.
One of my friends told me that when he got married, he only wore his ring for a week and then he put it in his drawer because he could not get used to it. He boldly explained that to his wife and take a strong decision as a man. That's what he told me, before he went back to his parents' basement, hiding from his wife who is hunting him down with an axe.
No, just kidding, he is okay with his wife, and is expecting a baby in fact.
Another friend told me that I probably only need to wear the ring for the first few months because after that, my finger will be so fat that the only thing that can encircle it is a standard car tyre. I guess I am still lucky that I still have the same finger size a month after I get married. My tummy's size, on the other hand, is now increasing towards a sumo wrestler's.

But I actually like wearing the ring. My ring design fits perfectly on my finger and it actually looks good. It is just that I am still not used to it. So I take it off everytime I am at home and try to remember to put it back in everytime I am going somewhere. Well it's not easy getting used to it. But I will just do it. Anyway, it's the difference between married men and singles, right? So the next time you see me outside, see the shiny little thing around my finger, then you'd know that I am a married man. Just don't try to find the diamond though.

Married on 3 Feb, Clueless Still

Funny thing about my wedding was that everything was prepared in just two months. Wait, did I say it was funny? No, what I meant was mad, and idiotic. In those two months we had to take photoshoot, print and distribute invitation cards, find caterer and decorator, form a team of helpers, arrange wedding program, find place to stay, and the worst of all, memorizing the wedding vow.
It was because I found out that my sister was planning to get married in March and my parents believe that it's not good to have two siblings married in one same year, because a nuclear bomb might explode in our house, or whatever reason that they might have that we actually do not know and understand. But since we love them, we agreed to get married on different year. So the choice were only getting married before the Chinese New Year (in two-month time) or postpone it to 2008. So February the 3rd it was.

Did I mentioned that it was mad and idiotic? No, sorry, I did not mean that. It was much worse than mad. It was......, wait, I do not know any word that is worse than mad,.. but it really was worse, much worse. We did not have any free time. Every night we had to rush everything. Sleep was such a luxury back then and you can see the evidence on my black panda eyes, which manage to stay dark even one month after it was over.
But thank God everything went smoothly. We had everything that we wanted. Everything went according to plan (but it might be because there was actually no plan? too hectic). And we had the time of our life.

So the point is, it is possible to arrange a wedding in two months, but I won't recommend it. It's too rushed. We did not have time to think and let the idea that we are going to get married sink in our brain and heart.
And now that it's over, we just suddenly realized "Hey, we are married! Gosh! Wow!" Still cannot believe the experience.

Gosh. It has been more than half a year since my last blog. I tried to dicipline myself in writing blog regularly but I failed (my old blog was at http://3mp0.spaces.live.com)
Guess I have been busy with my work, my social activities, and my wedding preparation. Oops, yeah, I got married in February. Yay, congratulations to me.
So I am in a new chapter in my life, a happy one, a joyful one and also a confusing one.
Now there is another person in my life, and in my bedroom, my kitchen, and even my bathroom. So everything is new to us. And it's kinda fun (and bloody sometimes :p).

Therefore, this blog is probably going to take a new direction, which is more on my journey in matrimonial life. How I am adjusting, how I am enjoying, how I am falling.
So feel free to read, laugh and weep. Drop some words or comment (money is also accepted but am still figuring out how to do that). I am going to try writing at least once in two days, starting today, ... errr wait today I have a diner outside, so starting tomorrow,.. mm .... nope, have plan outside also, .... Friday? ... C'mon, cannot expect me to sit here and write on Friday night, ... Saturd.... errr, nevermind. Let's see how it goes